i've been having the same recurring dream lately. it starts off from my memory of rose leading me to our dead parents, and to jack.
she keeps speaking but i don't understand anything she is saying.

then we reach the top of the castle, where my dad and her mom's corpses lay. everything goes the same as it did when i actually experienced it, including when jack stabs me.

it feels like dying, it also feels sort of like falling from a really great height. i can feel my muscles tensing up in my dream when that happens.

like how being on a rollercoaster feels. but then, and that's where it diverges from the memory i guess, i don't lose consciousness and i don't drop dead. the ride is over and the cart halts, and i can't get off it. i just keep standing there... my dad's corpse in front of me, and everything is still. but i feel wide awake. there is no fight to be had, it's just me and my dad.

in the dream i'm not even granted the luxury of getting killed along with my dad. i just keep fucking standing there and staring at him!

when it had happened for real, there was so much going on at once, so many distractions and things to do and fights to fight... but now there's nothing!

it makes me sad that i'm almost thankful i didn't have any time to spare grieving over my dad back then. but now that i have all the time in the world, i don't feel like i'm grieving at all. what is that even supposed to feel like?